Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
