you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
