i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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