she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
