We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
