my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
