It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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