If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
