Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
