His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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