Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
