your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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