Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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