Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
