i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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