Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
