her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
