I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
