why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
