Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
