I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
