The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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