Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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