Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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