dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
