the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
