And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
