I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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