I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
