her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
