i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
