yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
