i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just gift wrapped bread.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
