i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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