So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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