and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
