never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
