My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
