I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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