Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
