I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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