Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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