i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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