the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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