We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
