We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
