Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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