paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
