when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
