are you still at the devil's house?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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