Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
