I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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