If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
from now on my penis is your penis
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
