awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
