If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize