standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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