What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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