woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
