new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just had sex on a roof
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
