I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
