so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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