tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
