tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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