Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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